One last time?

Dedicated to H..


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I'm going to miss you.. akeed you'll ask why now?! why are you telling me this now?! well.. la2ana 5ala9 I'm going to block all your memories and delete you out of my life, my brain, maybe my heart too .. I loved you with my all .. bas 5ala9.. maleeeeeeeet.. it's hard .. it's painful.. it's confusing.. you make me feel 10 years older .. and at times you can make me feel 10 years younger ba3ad .. I wish I can have closure.. with you it's not possible.. damn it what am I saying .. what am I trying to do? I still love you.. I will love you for the rest of my life .. bas it's not meant to be.. It's not like we had anything.. it was a figment of my imagination based on thin strings that are almost invisible to the people around us.. but I saw them.. for some reason I saw them.. they were like the light at the end of the tunnel.. they were all my hopes and dreams.. they were everything .. and nothing in the same time.. I wish I can hate you .. I wish I can despise you instead of all the love I carry around for you.. sometimes your love is like a burden.. it gets so heavy.. it's almost impossible to carry.. but impossible to get rid of in the same time.. I have no idea why I'm so attached to you.. to the idea of you there forever and ever.. I love you I would repeat in my head.. I love you I would plead every single night.. I love you I would beg every single shooting star.. I love you I would cry helplessly over and over .. I love you.. I'm sick of those three beautiful words.. I wish you would wake up and realize that I am right here.. waiting for you to look up.. waiting for your eyes to smile with acknowledgment.. but you refuse to do that.. you refuse to be the reason for my happiness.. you refuse to let me in your life.. but what you don't know is that only the thought of you makes me get up in the morning.. the idea of having you close to me one day is the only reason I smile.. You are in every breath I take.. Your smile is reflected on every drop of water.. No matter how much you tried to deprive me from yourself.. I loved you more and more.. you fought me back with all your strength.. all you wanted to prove is that you are not the one for me.. but you were all along.. you still are.. and you will be for the rest of my being.. I'm tired of fighting for you.. you can have it your way if that's what you want.. if you want us to stay apart for the rest of our lives then you can have that.. if all you care about is for your path never to cross mine then you can have that too.. if you don't want me to know anything about you.. then I want you to know that you're being too harsh on me .. you're asking too much.. but I'm willing to give you even that.. I'm saying good-bye now and forever .. I want you to know that no farewell is ever going to be enough for me.. you were my strength one day.. and today you are my only weakness.. I love you one last time I will whisper to the darkness.. I love you..



It's hard to mourn over something you had.. but it's even harder to mourn over something you never had..