Wednesday, July 21, 2010

One last time?

Dedicated to H..


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I'm going to miss you.. akeed you'll ask why now?! why are you telling me this now?! well.. la2ana 5ala9 I'm going to block all your memories and delete you out of my life, my brain, maybe my heart too .. I loved you with my all .. bas 5ala9.. maleeeeeeeet.. it's hard .. it's painful.. it's confusing.. you make me feel 10 years older .. and at times you can make me feel 10 years younger ba3ad .. I wish I can have closure.. with you it's not possible.. damn it what am I saying .. what am I trying to do? I still love you.. I will love you for the rest of my life .. bas it's not meant to be.. It's not like we had anything.. it was a figment of my imagination based on thin strings that are almost invisible to the people around us.. but I saw them.. for some reason I saw them.. they were like the light at the end of the tunnel.. they were all my hopes and dreams.. they were everything .. and nothing in the same time.. I wish I can hate you .. I wish I can despise you instead of all the love I carry around for you.. sometimes your love is like a burden.. it gets so heavy.. it's almost impossible to carry.. but impossible to get rid of in the same time.. I have no idea why I'm so attached to you.. to the idea of you there forever and ever.. I love you I would repeat in my head.. I love you I would plead every single night.. I love you I would beg every single shooting star.. I love you I would cry helplessly over and over .. I love you.. I'm sick of those three beautiful words.. I wish you would wake up and realize that I am right here.. waiting for you to look up.. waiting for your eyes to smile with acknowledgment.. but you refuse to do that.. you refuse to be the reason for my happiness.. you refuse to let me in your life.. but what you don't know is that only the thought of you makes me get up in the morning.. the idea of having you close to me one day is the only reason I smile.. You are in every breath I take.. Your smile is reflected on every drop of water.. No matter how much you tried to deprive me from yourself.. I loved you more and more.. you fought me back with all your strength.. all you wanted to prove is that you are not the one for me.. but you were all along.. you still are.. and you will be for the rest of my being.. I'm tired of fighting for you.. you can have it your way if that's what you want.. if you want us to stay apart for the rest of our lives then you can have that.. if all you care about is for your path never to cross mine then you can have that too.. if you don't want me to know anything about you.. then I want you to know that you're being too harsh on me .. you're asking too much.. but I'm willing to give you even that.. I'm saying good-bye now and forever .. I want you to know that no farewell is ever going to be enough for me.. you were my strength one day.. and today you are my only weakness.. I love you one last time I will whisper to the darkness.. I love you..



It's hard to mourn over something you had.. but it's even harder to mourn over something you never had..

Monday, July 19, 2010

Meant to Be (Part 38)

This post is dedicated to Unchained Melody and Mrs. Chuck Bass...
and I think it's the longest I ever wrote!!

and my email is
shushuxd@gmail.com


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----- m7ammad


Days passed and I got better. I had to go to work, b mustashfa il 3adan. Things were getting better between me and Shai5a.

"M7ammad.. aby aroo7 wiyak il dawam bacher.." She said one night.

"5air inshallah.." I told her as I hugged her and closed my eyes.

"M7ammad.. min 9ijy!!" She stated.

"Shno ya3ny tyeen wiyay il dawam?" I replied sleepily.

"Ya3ny il 9ib7 lamma agoom 3ashan atrayag wiyak.. ma ared dary w ag3ad bidoon sh'3l.. aroo7 wiyak instead.." She said.

"La2.." I told her simply.

"Laish la2?!" She asked.

"Bas.." I replied, not in the mood for discussing anything now.

"M7ammad.. ma y9eer chithy.. tgawimny il 9ib7 mbacher w ana ma 3ndy shay asawy.. w ma tir'6a aroo7 ashte'3el wala mukan.. w ga3da bl bait.. w malal.. w aby ayee wiyak!!" She complained.

"Ya3ny lee hal daraja t7ibeeny? Ma tigdereen tig3ideen bidoony wala digeega?" I teased her, hoping that it would make her stay quiet.

"Eee eee.. lee hal daraja a7ibik!!" She said to my surprise.

I opened one eye to look at her, and she was pouting and in no state to sleep. I laughed at I sat up and opened the lights.

"Intay shaklich moo nawya tnameen.." I yawned.

"Ee ma ra7 anam leeman tir'6a ta5ithny wiyak.." She sat up too.

" No way.." I shook my head.

"EE laish ya3ny??!" She asked, and she moved so she could face me.

"La2ana dawamy kila riyayeel w looya w ma abeech tit3ibeen wiyay.." I replied.

"M7ammad.. it's a hospital.. akeed ra7 ykoon feeha riyayeel w looya.. besides I want to stay in your room and see your patients.." She said stubbornly.

"Is this argument going to go on forever?" I laughed at her serious facial expressions.

"It will end as soon as you say 'yes' " She urged.

"Give me one good reason.." I told her.

"Because it's my dream.. to be a doctor.. and since I can't be one.. then please I just want to pretend to be one for one day only.." She held my squeezed my hands, and looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes compelling me to say yes.

"W mno gal you can't be a doctor?" I asked.

"Ubooy.." She said as she looked away.

"Bas ana il mas2ool 3anich il7een moo ubooch.." I told her.

"Hatha moo maw'6oo3na il7een.." She told me, blinking away the tears.

"3ayal shno maw'6oo3na?" I teased her.

"Wala shay .." She sighed and lied down avoiding eye contact.

"Ya3ny za3lana?" I asked as I peeked in her face.

"la2.. bas ti3abt w banam.." She said as she moved further away.

"Shda3wa ti3abtay.. 3ayal bacher shlon ra7 t9eereen doctor?" I asked her, moving closer.

"M7ammad.. bas maly 5ulg atna8ash.." She closed her eyes tightly.

"Ana ma aby atna8ash.. ana agool goomay 6al3ay hdoomich 7ag bacher 3ashan ma t2a5reeny il 9ib7.." I kissed her shoulder.

"Ya3ny ra7 ta5ithny??" She asked hesitantly.

"Ee ra7 a5thich wiyay.. bas la tit3awideen.." I laughed.

"Gool walla!!" She sat up excitedly.

"Shno li3ba .. ana gitlich shay ya3ny 5ala9.." I told her.

"Omg!! Thank youuuuuu.." She screamed as she jumped out of bed and ran to her closet.

I followed her and watched as she threw a couple of garments on the chair.

"6ayartay ilnoom min 3ainy.." I complained.

"Ay outfit a7san?!" She ignored my remark.

"Madry.. why does it matter anyways.." I said as I sat on the other chair.

"Are you seriously asking me this question?" She rolled her eyes.

"Ok.. I have a suggestion for you.." I said as I got up and dug into my closet to find the scrubs that I got a while ago. They were small but I didn't have time to return them. "There.." I said as I held them up when I found them.

"Brilliant.." She threw the black pants on the floor and took the scrubs from me carefully.

"You like?" I asked her, grinning.

"I love.." She smiled excitedly. "I'm going to try them on.." She said, running to the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes and waited for her. She opened the door after a while and peeked.

"This is too amazing!!" She said, stepping out. "A little too big though.." She continued.

The shirt was sort of baggy and it reached almost mid-thigh and the sleeves reached her elbows. The pants were a bit long.

"Awal shay.. you need a pin here.." I said pointing to the waistline. "Thany shay.. you look hot.." I winked.

"I am sooooo excited.. walla M7ammad .. thank you soooo much!!" She blabbered.

"Inzain.. yalla we need a good night sleep 3ashan you can rock the hospital tomorrow.." I told her as I went to bed.

"Ok.. I'm going to change and sleep.." She said as she went to the bathroom again.

I was too sleepy so I didn't bother to open my eyes when she came to bed, all I did was hug her when she came closer.

She mumbled something and we both drifted to sleep.



----- Shai5a


I woke up extra early the next morning, I don't think I slept properly a9lan. I took a shower, got dressed, and then woke M7ammad up.

I prepared quick breakfast as he took a shower and we left to work after breakfast. The ride to the hospital was quiet; I was too excited and he was sleepy as usual.
I sat next to him and pretended to be his assistant for the day. He rescheduled his surgeries because, according to him, there is no way I will be allowed in the operating room.

"Il7een my break.. ana baroo7 ayeebly something to drink.. and you stay here .. do you want anything?" he asked as he got up.

"water please.." I said as I smiled.

I sat on his chair and waited patiently for him to come back. I wanted to ask him about some of the cases and I didn't have a chance to do so earlier.

The door opened, and a really tall woman came in. I looked at her and smiled.

She frowned as she checked the room number and looked at me again.

"Dr. M7ammad will come back ba3ad shway.." I told her.

"Aha.. w intay mno?" She asked eyeing me.

"Ana.." I started, but stopped as he came inside the room.

"M7ammad!! There you are.." She beamed when she saw him.

She was almost as tall as him, I noticed. And she had a killer figure too. She's annoying me already I thought to myself.

"Oh.. hey there.." he replied as he came and sat next to me.

"Ma shiftik ilyoom.. fa gelt ayee ashoof shfeek.." she said as she glanced my way.

"Tislimeen.. ma feeny shay 3adee.." He told her.

"Ahaa.. w mno hathy?" She asked as she pointed at me.

3yoony 6la3at min mukanha when she said that. She talks as if I was an intruder or someone she hates.

He introduced us to each other. I was simply "Shai5a" not his wife or anything, and she was "Dr. Dana" and of course she didn't like the formal name, instead she wants him to call her "Dana" or maybe "Dandoon" she laughed.

I smiled politely even though I was burning from the inside.
She sat down and took off her coat, as if it was the most normal, routinic thing she ever did.

She talked to M7ammad mostly, actually all of the time. She would glance my way, in the most despicable manner and engage herself with M7ammad.

Thankfully, his break was over soon, and her cue was an elderly patient that knocked the door and entered tiredly.

He smiled at me sensing my discomfort, and I kept quiet and smiled at the old man in front of me.

Who was she anyways to barge in and talk to him like he was her best friend. I mean if she was his best friend, then why didn't he bother to tell me about her sooner. And why does it have to be her with those extremely long legs? And why can't she at least be polite to me?

I sighed as the patient left, and M7ammad went outside for a couple of seconds then locked the door on his way in.

"Shfeech?" He asked with a smile.

"Ma feeny shay" I replied coldly.

"3ayal laish mazajich ti'3ayar min awal ma d5alat Dana?" He asked again.

"Mno Dana? Gool Dandoon a7san.." I stared at him with my eyebrows raised.

He laughed out loud, and I got up but he caught my hand, still laughing.

"mako shay y'6a7ek tara.." I told him.

"Ya3ny intay m3a9ba 3ashan Dandoon il7een?" He asked, trying but failing to sound serious.

"Hid eedy M7ammad.." I said, feeling the anger rise when he called her Dandoon.

"5ala9 5ala9.. I'm sorry.." He looked at me sincerely.

"a9lan mno hathy?" I asked.

"Dandoon.. a89id Dr. Dana.." He said.

I stared at him for a while before deciding to let it go.

"W mno Dr. Dana inshallah?" I continued.

"Wa7da.. kil yoom tig3ad tsoolef wiyay.. my friends hate her and.." He started.

"walla ma aloomhum.." I interrupted him.

"and apparently so does my wife then.." He laughed.

"W why did you forget to mention that I'm your wife?" I fumed.

"La2ana mamnoooooooo3 .. ma y9eer intay tkooneen hny a9lan.. this is a hospital not a hotel.. w loo ana ma a3arf il mudeer w amoon 3alee chan ma ri'6a.." He explained.

I looked at him to check if he was saying the truth, and he looked sincere I concluded.

Someone tried the door and then knocked it.

"Leel7een za3lana?" He asked.

"Open the door.." I ignored his question.

"ma ra7 afta7 until you say 'no' " He laughed.

"M7ammad.." I pointed at the door.

"La2.. yalla goolay moo za3lana 3ashan afta7.. ti5ayilay a patient is in dire need now w intay ily m3a6lita!!" he said.

"Fine.. moo za3lana.. go open the door.." I said, smiling in spite of myself.

He blew me a kiss as he went to open the door, and a young guy entered with him.



----- M7ammad


After I examined him, I started writing the prescription after assuring him that nothing serious is going on.

I looked at him after finishing everything but he was too busy looking at something behind me. I looked around and there was Shai5a with her long hair strewn all over her back. She bent to pick up the elastic to adjust her hair into a ponytail once more.

I called his name angrily, gave him his paper and he left; of course not without casting another long glance on Shai5a.

She sat next to me again.

"Aby akalmich b maw'6oo3 lama nred il bait.." I told her trying to stop myself from running after the guy and punching him.

"Shfeek?" She asked concerned.

"Wala shay.." I said, gritting my teeth.

Another patient came in just in time, to take my mind off the ******************.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and we went home, ate lunch then went upstairs to rest.

"M7amad shno kint taby tgool?" She asked as she sat on the couch next to me.

"Aby as2alich su2al.." I started.

"Go ahead.." She smiled.

"Shrayech tit7ajibeen?" I asked carefully.

"Hmm.. ana mfakra soon inshallah.." She replied.

"How soon is soon?" I asked her.

"Ya3ny give me a month inshallah w y9eer 5air.." She said.

"A month wayed.. ana mabeech tid5ileen il jam3a w intay moo mit7ajba.." I told her.

"M7ammad!! min wain ayeeb hdoom.. lazem aroo7 il soog ashtery.. yabeely at least a month!!" She exclaimed.

"3adee.. ana a5eth ijaza.. w awadeech ilsoog kil yoom for a week bas tit7ajibeen gabel il jam3a!!" I insisted.

"Ya3ny laish?" She asked.

"Bas.. a7ib sha3rich w maby a7ad yshoofa '3airy.." I told her.

She looked at me, and smiled.

"5ala9 okay.." She said after a while.

"ya3ny ra7 tit7ajibeen?" I asked excitedly.

"Ee inshallah!" She grinned.

"Ya ba3ad 3umry walla.. fidaitich!!" I said.

"Wai3.." She said, laughing.

"Shno wai3?" I asked, confused.

"I hate the word 'fidaitich' " She said, chuckling.

"Ya salam.. kaifeeee.. fidaitich w fadeech w afdach w ra7 afdeech 6ool 7ayaty!!" I screamed as I picked her up and swirled her around.

"Inzain.. 5ala9 kaifik.." She said as she hugged me.

"Ee 3abaly ba3ad.." I winked, and threw myself on the bed, exhausted and happy.


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