Monday, January 11, 2010

Meant to Be (Part Nineteen)

Hey there! :)
I know I haven't posted for a while..
but exams are coming so I need to start preparing for them and stuff..
so this will be my last official posts until after the exams..
and good luck to all of you out there..
inshallah you pass all your exams and they turn out really easy!!
anyways.. ma a6awel 3aleekum :p
this post is dedicated to all my lovely followers (50 now!! WOW!! I never expected that!!) and all the people who take the time to comment on my blog.. thank you :)

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----- M7ammad

I tried my best to sleep but I couldn't; I was too distracted by what just happened.

I waited for her to come back, after a while, she came, trying her best to look distracted. I decided to pretend to be asleep for a while.

One thing I learned from studying medicine and being on call through the night is to feel everything around me even if I was sleeping. Like sometimes I would be in deep slumber but would automatically wake up if someone entered the room to call me or if my phone even vibrated. So as I said, I can sense things around me very easily.

I kept pretending to be asleep until I felt her close enough. If I was not mistaken she was in front of me now. She stopped for some reason. I stayed still for a while...

"Booooo.." I screamed, not loud enough to wake the people around me, but enough to get her to jump.



----- Shaikha

After a while, I decided to go back to my seat. Slowly, I opened the bathroom's door and l pretended to look at the passengers as I got closer to my seat. But thankfully, he was asleep when I got there.

I stood in front of him, trying to memorize his features. From the day we were married, I haven't properly looked at his face. I decided to savor the moment, as I admired his chiseled features. He was what most people consider handsome, but he was really attractive. His face radiated machoism, from his perfectly arched eyebrows to his define jaw. Of course I am judging his appearance while disregarding his body, the six-pack, the toned arms, and the admirably long legs. I didn't even want to go there, I thought to myself as I decided to return to my seat before he wakes up.

"Booooooooooo.." He screamed making me jump and land on the arm chair between the two seats.

"Ouch!!!" I cried as my bottom hit the arm chair forcefully.

"Hahahaha.." was his only response. He laughed heartily as I watched him, wanting to be annoyed without being capable of pretending.

I sat in my seat and looked out the window as I suppressed my laugh.

"I can see you smiling by the way" he said and continued laughing.

"I wasn't laughing, laish a'67ak 3ala shay sa5eef?" I asked him, not being able to hide my smile.

"Moo sa5eef.. Hilarious would be more like it" He said as he continued laughing.

"Fine .. whatever.. laugh all you want.. I will get back at you.." I said as I stared at him, well not really stared, I didn't have the courage to do so while he
was awake, it was more like glanced.

"Ohhh.. chithee ya3ny?" He said challengingly.

"Yup.. you started it.." I said, automatically regretting my sentence. It was too childish I thought to myself.

"Hmm.. fine with me.. bring it on!" He said with a wink.

"Ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seatbelts........ We will arrive in Melbourne, Australia in about 15 minutes" Announced the pilot interrupting our conversation.

"How long are we going to stay in Melbourne?" I asked him, glad to be somewhere where there were a lot of tourist attractions to distract me.

"Well, according to my papers, about 3 days, and then we will stay in Sydney for 3 days, and then Gold Coast for 5 days, and then finally, in the islands of Bora Bora for two weeks" He said emphasizing the two weeks, as he read the letter written by his sisters.


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Hope you enjoyed :)

Monday, January 4, 2010

Two in One

Two mini posts..
in one ya3ny :p
both posts dedicated to H
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Inspiration Gone Wrong

I love you.

I miss you.

You were my inspiration, you were my motivation.

But that's just the thing.

You were wrong for me, and I knew it; but I wanted you nonetheless.

H it was you who set me off in the wrong path.

You told me to be happy no matter how sad I was.

Didn't you realize back then that this will require all the energy I have?

Didn't you know that no matter how much I pretended to be a grown-up, I was just a child?

Didn't you know that I will hold on to everything you said?

Didn't you know that I was in no shape to handle that, and I am still in no shape to handle it?

I ran in the direction you pointed to without looking back, but now that I'm on my own, I realized that the right path only became longer.






Crying


Washing away worries

trying to diminish my pains..

but they are only intensifying ..

what did I ever do, I thought to myself

Each tear holds a memory

I tried to keep them in..

wanted to hold on to as much of them..

but in the same time, trying to forget the brutal ones..

they keep flowing nonetheless

like imprisoned raindrops that just escaped their cloud

how can love do this?

they say it's good, all the crying..

but so far.. I'm experiencing nothing but more heartbreak and anguish


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I will probably post the part 19 by the end of this week..inshallah!
But no promises, la2ana I don't see myself recovering from my depressed mood soon enough!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

It's Someone's Birthday Today

It's "someone's" birthday today
January 3, 2010
It's his birthday ..
and I'm feeling like sh*t ..
The age difference is technically one year more today
and I will reply to all your comments for the previous post later inshallah!

of Course this post is dedicated to Him

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H,

Happy Birthday
May all your days be filled with joy and happiness
May you find the person who makes your heart flutter the way you make mine
May you fall in love again with the person you are meant to be with
May god brighten your path and grant you his precious blessings
May you live life to its fullest

I love you
No matter what happened
I love you.
No matter what I say
I love you.
as much as I pretend you are invisible
I love you.
as much as I ignore your presence
I love you.

No matter how many times I vow not to think about you,
my brain walks along the familiar path every day,
the path where you dominate everything,
the path filled with memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life,
the path filled with red roses, that provided me with all the love I needed in the beginning
But are now hurting me with their myriad thorns,
and even though I'm bleeding, I'm thankful
because they assure me that you were not just a figment of my imagination
You were real,
Our love was real.

You may think that I forgot about you,
you may assume that I no longer care,
But believe me you are wrong,
you mean the world to me
always and forever
I love you ..
and even as I say that, I feel like I'm not expressing myself enough.

I wish I can wish you a happy birthday properly.

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Madry mita the story :S

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Meant to Be (Part Eighteen)

Warning.. this is an extra long post ;P
in fact, I think this is the longest post I have ever written..
And sorry,, I still didn't try to follow the suggestion, but I will!
Dedicated to all my lovely followers and readers
and to my AMAZING cousin, Shooga!
Please yeebeely the pictures :P

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----- M7ammad

As the captain ordered everyone to put on their seatbelts because the plane was about to depart, I saw her knuckles get white as she clutched the arm rest and squeezed her eyes shut. I stared at her surprised that she was scared from planes. I knew for a fact that my uncle loved travelling and he took his children with him almost everywhere.

She seemed to be mumbling something, as she tried her best to hide her terrified expression.

"Shai5a" I tried calling her, but she didn't seem to hear me. "SHAI5A!" I called in a louder voice which made her jump a bit. But she still didn't open her eyes.

"Shfeech?" I asked her, thinking about just how stupid my question was.

"A5af .." She replied in a quivery voice.

"Give me your hand" I told her softly. "There is nothing to be afraid of"

"A5af.." She said again, on the verge of crying.

"la t5afeen wana wiyach" I told her as I freed her fingers from their position and made her hold my hands.

I looked at her small hands, and I felt her cold delicate skin against mine. She seemed to contrast me in many ways, which made me take some sort of interest in her.
I rubbed her hands to warm them up a bit, and assured her that nothing is wrong. She kept her eyes closed tightly until the captain confirmed that the plane is stable and flying now. Slowly, she opened one of her eyes, and then the other. She stayed silent, and I thought she was in some sort of shock.

"Shai5a.." I called, wanting to make sure that she was okay.

" Na3am .." She replied, still in a daze. She looked at me incredulously, and her cheeks started to turn red as she stared at her hands clutching mine.

"Sorry.." She said, embarrassed.

"Laish sorry?" I asked her.

"Madry.. I know I can freak out in airplanes sometimes." She replied looking in the other direction.

"I enjoyed it" I told her with a chuckle.

She shot me a glare, and I felt like she wanted to say something but she refrained herself.

"la2 goolay.." I said challengingly.

"Tara ma y'6a7ek.. shno you enjoyed it? Shayifny comedy show jiddamik? I was really scared you know, and you shouldn't make fun of me for that!" She said angrily.

It took me a while to absorb what she just said. First of all because it was the first time I see her really mad, and she looked cute while she was. And also because that wasn't my intention at all, to make fun of her.

"Why do you always interpret things the wrong way?" I asked her with shock.
She kept quiet and stared in the other direction.

"Look, I am going to give you one more chance. And if you ignore me again, I am going to ignore you for the rest of the flight, you know what I will ignore you for the rest of the week." I told her with an attitude.

She stared at me disbelievingly.

"What do you want from me?" She asked.

I looked at her for a while, searching for the right answer. I avoided looking into her eyes, not wanting to get lost there again.

"I want you to respect me. Didn't you ever hear of the phrase "treat others like you want to be treated." Do you want me to treat you the way you are treating me right now? You know the silent treatment would be very easy for me, but I'm trying my best here. I am Trying to make you happy, but you are just indifferent to everything I do, so I don't see the point in me trying" I told her, wanting her to give me a break from all the drama.

We both stayed quiet for a while, then I continued: "You know that you are my wife right?" I asked her.

I looked at her waiting for an answer, but she stayed quiet again.

"Ana tawny shgayel? Laish t6ansheeny?!" I asked her angrily.

"What?" She asked me calmly.

"I just gave you a speech and you ignored me, then I asked you a question and you ignored me again." I told her disbelievingly.

"I didn't think you want an answer. Ya3ny it's a silly question. Am I your wife? Yes, of course I'm your wife according to papers" She told me.

"Yes you are right! According to papers, and according to papers only. But you see, I'm sick of that. I want you to fulfill your duties as a wife" I demanded.
She looked like she was just electrocuted. She stayed quiet for a while, her shocked expression not changing.

"what do you say?" I asked her, wanting her to give me a definite answer.

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly.

"I mean are you able to fulfill your role as a wife?" I asked. "Or is it too challenging for you?" I added.

"What do you mean by my role as a wife? Ya3ny what do you expect from me, as your 'wife'?" She asked again.

"Ya3ny I want you to treat me like other wives treat their husbands. Ya3ny I don't want to talk to the wall the whole time I am with you. Ya3ny I want us to get to know each other properly like all engaged people do... and from there we can decide whether we want to take our relationship to the next level, whether we want to live the rest of our lives as friends, brothers, strangers, or husband and wife. We can't just give up from the beginning. I know that our marriage isn't a typical one; both of us didn't know a thing about the other when we got engaged. But we can always try our best, so after a while, if things didn't work out we won't feel guilty and we won't regret not trying" I explained to her.

"Ok.." she said looking in the other direction.

"Oh.. and your duty as a wife includes not looking away every time I talk to you" I told her sarcastically.

"Inshallah.." She said with a slight smile. "Oh.. and why didn't we discuss your duties as a husband?" She asked while cocking one of her eyebrows at me.

"Sure .. why not? Go ahead.." I replied her confidently.

"Hmm.. let's see.." She started. "Well I can't think of something now, but as soon as I do, I will let you know." She said.

"Sure thing.." I replied, smiling.

She started watching a movie, and I decided to take a small nap, but being intrigued by the creature beside me, I stayed up, watching her expression change, as the movie progressed. From curiosity, to delight, to sadness, to crying now. I covered my face, trying to hold in my laugh, but I couldn't, which made her get mad and cover her face too.

"I'm sorry.." I apologized sincerely.

She got up, and before she can walk away, I lifted my leg, creating a bridge. She gave me her back as she tried to wipe away all her tears. At that point, I felt guilty for laughing at her. I am used to my sisters crying in movies, and they would usually throw pillows in our faces when we laugh at them. But she was in a weaker position right now, and so I thought I will keep all the laughing for later, when she can take her revenge.

I got up and hugged her from the back.

"It's just a movie.." I told her, trying to make her feel better.

She didn't respond, but she tried to free herself from my grip.

"Fine, it's not just a movie.. what happened?" I asked her, as I turned her body, so that I can hug her properly.

Her tiny frame fit perfectly in my arms. I felt like her savior, her protector, her hero, and I didn't want to let go of her fragile body.

"He..he.." She sniffed.

"He died?" I asked her.

"Noooooo!!!" She almost shouted.

"3ayal?" I asked her, trying to see her hidden face.

"He left her.." She said, as I hugged her closer.

"It's okay.. maybe they're not meant to be.." I told her.

"Yes they are.. the movie is not over, they will get back together" She told me.

"Then why are you crying?" I asked her.

"Because.. it's sad" She cried.

"Okay.. 5ala9.. don't cry" I tried comforting her.

I kept her in my arms, until all her tears dried away, then I smiled for her.

"M7amad.." She sighed.

"Hmm.." I replied, hating the fact that I will have to let go of her soon.

"Can you let go of me now?" She asked hesitantly.

"If you give me a valid reason" I told her, hugging her more tightly.

"I really need to go to the bathroom" She said in a low voice.

I freed her, but not before I made her promise not to cry there.

I watched her go safely, then I went to my seat to get a quick nap before the airplane lands. I lifted my legs, got into a comfortable position, and closed my eyes wanting to rest. It was a hug, but what emotions did it leave, I asked myself.


-----Shai5a

As the plane started to depart, I felt my hysteric reactions coming soon, so I clutched the arm rest and started repeating some holy phrases that I had memorized. I don't really know what happened, just that when I opened my eyes, I was holding M7amad's hands instead of the arm rest.

"Sorry.." I said, embarrassed.

"Laish sorry?" He asked me.

"Madry.. I know I can freak out in airplanes sometimes." I replied as my cheeks felt hot.

"I enjoyed it" He replied, laughing.

I looked at him incredulously, as I felt the anger rise in me. Why does he have to make fun of me, I thought? I felt like telling him to shut up or something, but decided not to.

"la2 goolay.." He said, sarcastically.

"Tara ma y'6a7ek.. shno you enjoyed it? Shayifny comedy show jiddamik? I was really scared you know, and you shouldn't make fun of me for that!" I said, honestly, I don't even know what I said. I was just mad.

"Why do you always interpret things the wrong way?" He asked, and maskeen, he looked shocked. I didn't answer him, and just looked away.

"Look, I am going to give you one more chance. And if you ignore me again, I am going to ignore you for the rest of the flight, you know what I will ignore you for the rest of the week." He told me b nafsiya.

"What do you want from me?" I replied, not really wanting to continue this conversation. But in the same time, not wanting him to be mad at me.

"I want you to respect me. Didn't you ever hear of the phrase "treat others like you want to be treated." Do you want me to treat you the way you are treating me right now? You know the silent treatment would be very easy for me, but I'm trying my best here. I am Trying to make you happy, but you are just indifferent to everything I do, so I don't see the point in me trying" He said quickly, and it took me a while to try to figure out what he wanted, with no success.

We both stayed quiet for a while, then he said: "You know that you are my wife right?"

That's obvious isn't it? I thought to myself, Unless he's in denial then that would be a different case.

"Ana tawny shgayel? Laish t6ansheeny?!" He asked, with his temper starting to flare.

"What?" I replied, not wanting to agitate him more.

"I just gave you a speech and you ignored me, then I asked you a question and you
ignored me again." He exclaimed.

"I didn't think you want an answer. Ya3ny it's a silly question. Am I your wife? Yes, of course I'm your wife according to papers" I answered, looking away, with tears in my eyes.

"Yes you are right! According to papers, and according to papers only. But you see, I'm sick of that. I want you to fulfill your duties as a wife" He said sternly.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. All sorts of scary thoughts started finding their way to me, and I was about to throw myself from the airplane, in order to escape.

"what do you say?" He asked me.

"What do you mean?" I replied, expecting the worst.

"I mean are you able to fulfill your role as a wife?" He replied. "Or is it too challenging for you?" He said with a smirk

"What do you mean by my role as a wife? Ya3ny what do you expect from me, as your 'wife'?" I asked again, wanting him to clarify things better.

"Ya3ny I want you to treat me like other wives treat their husbands. Ya3ny I don't want to talk to the wall the whole time I am with you. Ya3ny I want us to get to know each other properly like all engaged people do... and from there we can decide whether we want to take our relationship to the next level, whether we want to live the rest of our lives as friends, brothers, strangers, or husband and wife. We can't just give up from the beginning. I know that our marriage isn't a typical one; both of us didn't know a thing about the other when we got engaged. But we can always try our best, so after a while, if things didn't work out we won't feel guilty and we won't regret not trying" He said.

"Ok.." I replied quickly looking away, before he adds more 'stuff' to the list.

"Oh.. and your duty as a wife includes not looking away every time I talk to you" He added.

"Inshallah.." I said with a smile of relief . "Oh.. and why didn't we discuss your duties as a husband?" I asked him, feeling better.

"Sure .. why not? Go ahead.." He said, confidently.

"Hmm.. let's see.." I began. "Well I can't think of something now, but as soon as I do, I will let you know." I told him.

"Sure thing.." He replied with a smile.

He adjusted his position to sleep, so I decided to watch a movie. After flipping through the channels, I decided to go with "The Devil Wears Prada" even though I have seen before. I started crying when she left Nate. I thought that they were really cute together, and cried even more. And what made it worse, was that the mr. besides me started laughing.

"I'm sorry.." He apologized, trying to sound sincere.

I got up angrily, wanting to go to the bathroom to finish my crying there without anyone making fun of me. He lifted his leg, preventing me from walking away. So I just turned around, not wanting him to see me cry.

I felt him hugging me from the back as I cried.

"It's just a movie.." He stated, thinking it was a wise thing to say.

I tried to move away, but he was way stronger than me.

"Fine, it's not just a movie.. what happened?" He asked, as he shifted my position so that he was hugging me properly now. I felt much better just being in his arms. I felt as though my soul got lost somewhere in his grasp. I felt safe and secure.

"He..he.." I tried to explain.

"He died?" He asked.

"Noooooo!!!" I replied quickly.

"3ayal?" He inquired.

"He left her.." I said, and he hugged me tighter. At that moment, I wanted to stay there forever, in his arms, where nothing can harm me.

"It's okay.. maybe they're not meant to be.." He said.

"Yes they are.. the movie is not over, they will get back together" I told him.

"Then why are you crying?" He asked, confused.

"Because.. it's just sad" I told him, crying.

"Okay.. 5ala9.. don't cry" He comforted me, not knowing that just his embrace was enough for me to forget all the worries I have.

He held me until I stopped crying, then he smiled a genuine smile, and held on to me again.

"M7amad.." I started, not wanting him to let go.

"Hmm.." He replied lazily.

"Can you let go of me now?" I asked, hating myself for doing so.

"If you give me a valid reason" He told me as he held me even tighter.

"I really need to go to the bathroom" I replied embarrassed.

He let me go. And I reluctantly walked away feeling like something was missing.

Was it my heart? I thought to myself as I leaned on the bathroom door. Could he have got to me that fast? Surprisingly, my emotional side didn't take over, and I convinced myself that it was just a hug, and nothing more.


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I honestly thought it was really long
w min kither ma long, boring :P
bas I hope you enjoyed!
TC!